The Arrogance of Well-meaning People — The Parker J Cole Show

In April, my hubby and I were walking our dog one afternoon when we came upon our neighbor from a couple of blocks down the street walking her dog. I asked after her husband, who I knew had been sick for a while and she told me he’d passed away a month before. Shocked, I gave her my condolences. She talked about her husband for a few moments. Then I started to share some of my memories of her husband as we walked back to her house. Her smile as I told a particularly humorous event lit her face up. She looked beautiful as we shared in the memory.

About two months later, we walked our dog again and she was sitting outside her home reading a book. After my dog and hers greeted each other, I asked how she had been doing since her husband’s death. She said, “I should be getting over it now.” I froze for a moment and knew in an instant she may have been mimicking someone else’s platitude. It angered me. Her husband had just died TWO months ago. Was it comforting to tell a woman who shared her life with her spouse that she should be over it now?

Unfortunately, this wouldn’t be the last time I’ve heard of people, in the middle of grief, being hurt by well-meaning people. In fact, it would be several more stories over the course of this time that led me to reach out to my returning guest co-host and contributor, Gary Roe. Well acquainted with grief and loss, I wanted him to help understand that in our efforts to give comfort, we need to be so careful of how execute it. In fact, in our well-meaning attempts to help, an certain arrogance may precipitate our words and cause more harm than good.

Join me by calling in at 646-668-8485 and press 1 to be live on air. Or, download Stitcher on your mobile device. Or, click on the link here: http://tobtr.com/10173285.

Tonight on the Write Stuff — Special Edition of the Parker J Cole Show–I Miss You

*****SPECIAL BROADCAST*****

I aired this show on the Parker J Cole show about ten days ago. It has quickly become a show that has been listened to over and over again. Even through the holidays, people are grieving and dealing with pain. I hope this show encourages you as it has me.

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The past several shows of the Parker J Cole have focused on dealing with difficult times during the Christmas season. This episode rounds it all up with a single phrase — I Miss You.

When a loved one has passed away it’s very difficult to get into the holiday spirit. The grief you may experience can be insurmountable, crushing you. It’s a black hole sucking the joy from your heart. It’s a tiny whole in the fabric of your universe siphoning away the happy times you’ve shared with you loved one.

All in all, you miss them.

How do you survive the holidays?

Join me with a survivor and author of the book “I Miss You: A Holiday Survival Kit” Gary Roe as he helps you to survive grief during the holidays. Call in at 646-595-2083, press 1 to be live on air. Or, click on the link here: http://tobtr.com/8174321. Tune In!

ABOUT THE BOOK

thumbLosing a loved one is painful. Life will never be the same.

And if this wasn’t hard enough, the holidays are bearing down upon you. What in the world are you supposed to do?

You need a grief survival kit designed for the holidays. That’s why I wrote Surviving the Holidays without You: Navigating Grief During Special Seasons.

As a hospice chaplain, I’ve had the honor of walking with thousands of hurting people through deep, dark valleys of grief. From my personal grief experiences and theirs, I’ve gathered some tools that can help you not only survive the holidays, but heal and grow through them.

Even though these holidays will be different, they can still be good – very good.

In Surviving the Holidays without You, you’ll discover the answers to these questions:

• Why are the holidays so hard?
• How can I manage my own and others’ expectations?
• Is it possible for holidays to be good this year? How?
• Sometimes I feel misunderstood, judged, and alone. How do I handle that?
• How can I grieve and celebrate at the same time?
• I need to make wise choices about what to do, when, and with whom. How do I do that?
• I don’t know how to move on. What does moving on look like?
• How can I use the holidays to grieve well, honor my loved one, and love others?

Give yourself the gift of navigating grief well this holiday season. You’ll be glad you did.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Gary Roe has been a campus minister, church-planter in Japan, and pastor in Texas and Washington. He currently serves as a writer, speaker and chaplain with Hospice Brazos Valley in Central Texas.

He is the author of four books, including Heartbroken (Amazon Bestseller, 2015 National Indie Excellence Award Finalist) and Not Quite Healed (co-authored with New York Times Bestseller Cecil Murphey, 2013 Lime Award Finalist for Excellence in Non-Fiction). With more than 250 articles in print, he is a popular speaker at a wide variety of venues.